3 Little Foxes (Marriage)

 

Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.”

Song of Solomon 2:15

Here in the Song of Solomon the bride to be is saying to her soon to be husband to catch the little foxes for us. Catch them before they destroy the vineyard.

These small animals could absolutely destroy a large vineyard. The vineyard in verse 15 represents their growing relationship. A blossoming vineyard relationship. So she says to her man, catch them before they destroy us.  

This is just as important today as the day it was penned. Little foxes are the small problems that sneak into the relationship/vineyard and destroy it.  

3 Little Foxes 

• Settling In:

God intends for our marriages to be something more than divorce on the one hand and enduring each other till death do us part, on the other. Both divorce and becoming little more than roommates is often due to ignoring the little fox called “settling in”.

How does a couple go from, “In sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part,” to the unraveling of the vows? How does a man get to a place and say to his pastor;  “I know you are right, I know what I am doing is wrong, but I don’t want to be with her anymore, I deserve better”?  

Marriages fail! No one plans for this! And usually, not always, but often they fail not due to the extremes. Usually, they fail as a couple settles in. Marriages fail in the mundane moments. The couple that no longer works on the relationship no longer communicates their love for each other, and takes each other for granted, is the couple that invites this little vineyard destroying fox into the marriage.

No marriage is beyond this little fox!  

• Kids

“What!”, I can hear you say. Yes, it’s true. Those little bundles of joy can easily become the little foxes that destroy the vineyard if mom and dad allow it. 

Children were never intended to be the glue that keeps your marriage together. If you are using the children to be the reason you are staying together then functionally the children are your savior. The goal is a Christ-Centered marriage Not a Child-Centered marriage.

In the child-centered marriage, all that is discussed is the children. All of life must revolve around them. Schedules and activities must consider the kids first. The children grow up thinking they are the center of the universe because that is exactly what they are in the child-centered marriage.    

They are not the glue and they are not to be the dividers either. Have you noticed, kids divide? It begins the day you bring them home. The mom who is manipulated to keep the child in the bedroom after the child is a few months old or the dad who is willing to pick and prefer the kids over his wife.

Children are not given to us to then replace our spouse. One day (sooner than we think) that bundle of joy will be happily leaving your home. It’s ok. That is how God has made us. We are to “leave and cleave” (Genesis 2:24).  We need to build our marriage so that when they do leave, we still have a marriage.  

Parents, don’t be so focused on your children that you neglect each other.

Put the kids to bed when they are young and spend time together. Hire a babysitter and go out on a date. Moms, if you are being manipulated by the child who cries incessantly when you leave them behind, recognize this little fox is seeking to destroy the vineyard! Prepare the kids that mom and dad are going out tonight and we have a babysitter coming. Prepare them for how the night needs to go down. Make sure they have plenty to do and…. go out and have fun! Be together and enjoy the marriage relationship God has given to you!   

Recognize that this is a gift to your children. When a mom and dad go out to continue to ensure the vineyard is well cared for, the children may not like it, but it is good! It will become a blessing to those kids as they grow older.

Don’t allow those little foxes to destroy the vineyard!

• Intimacy Issues

Society wants to tell you that your bedroom is not good enough.  It seeks to create an insatiable hunger for more. It tells us that it is better out there.  

Another man / another woman. Our culture dresses up immorality and makes it look enticing and exciting. It does not deliver as advertised. It never shows you the tears and pain. It does not advertise divorce and the implications for the kids. No, it dresses up sin and glamorizes it, telling you your life could be better with him or her.

Somehow we start to believe the lie that playing with this fire will not affect the

 marriage. Somehow, men think that this pornography will not destroy the vineyard. Somehow, women think that this emotional affair with another man will not destroy the marriage relationship. (Note: the above paragraph can easily be switched for men and women. A woman pursuing pornography or a man pursuing an emotional affair.)  

But, that is what little foxes do. They destroy the vineyard.

We must recognize that they are little. That is where marriage destruction begins.  Little compromises. Little indiscretions. No one sets out to wreck the vineyard.

Emotional AND physical intimacy is critical to the health of the marriage. One spouse may naturally lean towards connecting by talking and emotional relationship building. While the other, by pursuing the physical relationship. Which is best, which is right? Answer…. both! We are foolish to shut one or the other down. To do so is to invite the little foxes into the vineyard!

 

• What are the little foxes that you have allowed into the marriage relationship?

 

• What steps do you need to take to repair the damage these little foxes have made?