Forgiveness in marriage by Elizabeth Johnson
Forgiveness in marriage. Where do I begin? The bible school answer is to say, “I should forgive my spouse because Christ has already forgiven him.”
That is easier said than done.
Withholding Forgiveness
For everyday misunderstandings, it is very easy for me to forgive my husband, Michael, but when I feel utterly betrayed and discarded by his words or actions, forgiveness is a lot harder to give.
At times, I feel as the one hurt that it is my right to hold on to that forgiveness and make him suffer. As someone who has personally made that mistake, DO NOT DO THAT! In the end, it didn’t make me feel better. It did not build up our marriage. And it did not allow Christ to work in our relationship.
Having the mindset of revenge is the exact opposite of what we are called to do as husband and wife who believe in the healing power of the gospel. When I want to withhold forgiveness, I am sitting in the here and now. My pride is so thick I cannot see the bigger picture. The pain feels all too real. Now, the pain is absolutely real but the pride will magnify it in the worst way possible. It took a long time for me to get off my ridiculously gaudy horse covered in pride so that I could see the big picture.
The Forgiven… Forgive
Let’s go back to the bible school answer, “I should forgive my spouse because Christ has already forgiven him.”
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
The gift of forgiveness that was accomplished by Jesus dying on the cross is no small act. One man took on all the sin of the world. And not just the world’s sin at the time of Christ’s death. Future sin.
That’s a lot of sin!
When I stop to think about how much of a sinner I am and how Christ took my sin and Michael’s sin and your sin and your spouse’s sin, etc. That’s a lot of sin.
Christ didn’t just sign a document and say, “Ok, I’ve pardoned all sin.” No. There had to be payment. There was an exchange. One definition of the word redeem is “gain or regain possession of something in exchange for payment.”
The exchange was one man taking on all present and future sin and paying the price, which is death. Christ died for me. Christ died for Michael. Christ took care of the price and I gained eternal life. By confessing that Christ died for me and asking him to live inside me, means that I get to live eternally.
That’s huge!
In light of this massive gift, let’s revisit the topic of withholding forgiveness. I have no right to withhold forgiveness from Michael. I am not God. That doesn’t mean that forgiving him (or for him to forgive me) is easy but what it does mean is reconciliation will happen, as long as we are committed to keeping Christ in the center.
What Should I do?
So how do I get to a place where I can honestly and wholeheartedly forgive my husband?
Pray. I have to ask God to soften my heart. Pride hardens the heart and when my heart is hard towards Michael, that’s a dangerous place to live. The enemy thrives in a hardened heart and valleys of relational distance begin to grow.
See. Being in constant prayer and asking God to soften my heart and align my heart to His helps me to see Michael the way God sees him. Michael is a precious being created by God and when I am reminded of God’s beauty in Michael it is a lot harder to withhold forgiveness.
Remember. Christ did the work on the cross. He paid the debt. My responsibility as a wife is to forgive, and once I have forgiven Michael I can then move forward. We can move forward in growing closer as a couple. Marriage is the most intimate earthly relationship God blesses us with and there is such beauty in cultivating a biblically sound marriage.
When we keep eternity and the work Christ did on the cross in the center of our marriage, everything else falls by the wayside. The gospel heals.
Guest Post
Thank you Elizabeth for writing this post. Do yourself a favor and check out Michael and Elizabeth’s podcast called Marriage Talks Podcast here.
https://marriagetalkspodcast.com
So good! Thank you for writing this! I never tire of hearing it again and again, because I need it! Gospel truth. Aligning my life by the Word of God. Living it out. Doing it and not just listening to it. Help me God!